Taken Movie Review

March 30, 2009 by Rebbekah  
Filed under Movie Reviews by Karel Murray

Starring Liam Neeson, Maggie Grace, Leland Orser, Anjul Nigam, Jon Gries

by Karel Murray

A quick recap without giving away the conclusion, Liam Neeson portrays Bryan Mills who has “retired” from being a government operative in order to build a better relationship with his daughter.  You can’t help but empathize immediately with Liam’s character and start rooting for him emotionally at the very start of movie.  Holding him back from really establishing a parental bond is his ex wife and his uncompromising view of how the world’s harsh reality can destroy a life.  Even as Liam’s character is cajoled into allowing his daughter to go unescorted to Paris, we, the audience members, want to shout at the kid to listen to her father.

But of course, we don’t.

My husband and I couldn’t help but become emotionally invested in his frantic search to locate his kidnapped daughter within the critical 96 hour window before she would be  sold off as a sex slave.  The father’s intensity, desperation and extreme focus continues to mount and we are exuberant when the next lead provides a vital clue.

It has been a long time since I’ve been so  totally engaged in a movie that I was disappointed when it ended.  Where is a guy like Liam Neeson when you need him?

Maybe right around the corner.  Awesome.

EO      Entertainment Only

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Duplicity Movie Review by Karel Murray

March 30, 2009 by Rebbekah  
Filed under Movie Reviews by Karel Murray

Starring:  Julia Roberts, Clive Owen, Tom Wilkinson, Paul Giamatti

by Karel Murray

How often have you wondered what old men look like in a fist fight?  Watching two corporate CEOs (Tom Wilkinson and Paul Giamatti) hammering it out on an airport tarmac was worth the price of admission - especially when it is filmed in slow motion.  I never felt more like a baby boomer than I did during these scenes.  Each clumsy move and tight grimace made me appreciate how skillfully this was filmed.  Immediately, the premise is set regarding the absolutely hatred between the corporate giants and their intense desire to outdo each other in terms of growing and protecting their empires, making this a situation ripe for exploitation by two seasoned white collar spies.

Julia Roberts, ex CIA and Clive Owen, ex MI6, collaborate with each other in developing a long term scam so they can profit from the theft of company product secrets.  Through the use of flash backs, the film builds on their relationship and we understand it in context with current events.  This type of film editing helped keep the audience wondering who they can actually trust… which essentially defines the relationship between everyone in this film.

I never really appreciated the term “being played” until I saw this movie.  The art of skillful lying, expert emotional control to build a trustworthy persona to others, and acting out predetermined dialog made me feel a bit queasy.  No wonder individuals who have a lot to lose through corporate espionage find it difficult to really trust anyone.

Cleverly scripted, it was a fun, intriguing romp.

EO     Entertainment Only

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Knowing Movie Review

March 30, 2009 by Rebbekah  
Filed under Movie Reviews by Karel Murray

Starring:  Nicolas Cage, Lara Robinson, Rose Byrn, and Chandler Canterbury

by Karel Murray

This movie had me at “hello”.   The movie “Knowing”  starts with us watching a small girl (Lucinda Embry) being tormented by whispering voices that only she can hear and a flashback to the innocence of the 1950’s.  Completely focused on transcribing what she is hearing, this child sets to paper a list of what appears to be random numbers.   Sealed in a time capsule for fifty years, the message is finally opened by another child, Caleb, who begins to be plagued by the same whispering voices.

Enter  John Koestler (played by Nicolas Cage), a loving father who just happens to be an astrophysicist.  To the normal person, this list would only be a jumble of symbols.  But because of the date of his wife’s death, which is seared into John’s mind, he discovers a pattern in the message… dates of major disasters, the number of people killed, and the location of each event …startling accurate over the past fifty years.

This movie takes us from one incredibly intense accident scene to another.  There were several times I actually winced and recoiled instinctively, thinking that the airplane or bus were actually going to careen into my theater seat.  Thankfully my husband is used to the bodily reaction to sudden digital violence.

Interesting concept and good acting makes this a movie worth seeing for a fun night out.

EO     Entertainment Only

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Duplicity Movie Review

March 30, 2009 by Rebbekah  
Filed under Movie Reviews by Betty Jo Tucker

Sparkling Co-Stars, Disjointed Plot
by Betty Jo Tucker

Linear storytelling falls by the wayside in Duplicity as characters played by Julia Roberts and Clive Owen struggle to make sense out of their feelings for each other. Unfortunately, they’re not the only ones struggling during filmmaker Tony Gilroy’s follow-up to his Michael Clayton success. I had great difficulty with this thriller’s many flashback scenes, which frequently interrupt the story’s flow.  So did my husband and daughter who attended the screening with me. “Annoying,” was my daughter’s conclusion. “Irritating,” my husband added.

Still, we all agreed about the sizzling chemistry between Roberts and Owen. They are fascinating to watch together. Roberts (Erin Brockovich) plays a former CIA operative working in counterintelligence for a huge cosmetic corporation. Owen (The International) is a former MI-5 agent hired by a rival company. These two suspicious individuals, who join forces to carry out a complicated  con job, obviously have a love/hate relationship — and considering their spy backgrounds, will they ever be able to trust one another?

In addition to her trademark smile, Roberts gets the opportunity to display chilling anger, especially in one scene requiring an expression of silent, jealous rage. And Owen shows off his charming side when his character adopts a Texas accent in order to seduce a naïve female cosmetic firm employee (Carrie Preston). Sadly, it’s not easy to care about either one of these main characters.

Duplicity focuses on corporate espionage involving the introduction of a mysterious groundbreaking product. The top executives of both companies (Paul Giamatti and Tom Wilkinson) are longstanding enemies, a fact established in a very clever slow-motion sequence at the beginning of the movie. Giamatti receives more screen time than Wilkinson and makes the most of it by delivering a frenetic and highly entertaining performance — his best since American Splendor but I’m disappointed at not seeing the always wonderful Wilkinson (In the Bedroom) more on screen here.

Besides its overuse of flashbacks, Duplicity falters by including so much computer activity instead of physical action. (Have you noticed how this can drag a movie down?) And, although some of the dialogue is quite witty, the movie seems too talky much of the time. But most of all, the film is simply exhausting to follow.

(Released by Universal Pictures and rated “PG-13” for language and some sexual content.)

For more information about Duplicity, go to the Internet Movie Data Base or Rotten Tomatoes website.

Betty Jo Tucker is a member of the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS) and the San Diego Film Critics Society (SDFCS). She  teaches an online class, “The Reel Deal: Writing about Movies” for the LSS School of Writing and has published three movie-related books including CONFESSIONS OF A MOVIE ADDICT, an amusing memoir about her life at the movies. Betty Jo serves as the editor/lead film critic for ReelTalk Movie Reviews and hosts a weekly radio show, “Movie Addict Headquarters,” for BlogTalkRadio. She also writes monthly film commentary for the Colorado Senior Beacon.  For more information, please go to www.BettyJoTucker.com

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Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

March 30, 2009 by Rebbekah  
Filed under Diseases, Health

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, or CFS, makes a person feel worn out and completely exhausted.  This extreme tiredness interferes with a person’s ability to engage in normal everyday activities, such as dressing, bathing or even eating. Moving, exercising or just thinking can make CFS worse.

CFS can occur quickly or it can develop over time. A person with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome may have muscle pain, insomnia or trouble focusing and feel as though they’re in a mental fog.  Their tiredness might come and go, but in some cases the extreme exhaustion never leaves. The bad part is that this total exhaustion must continue for at least six months for a definitive diagnosis can be made.  The cause of CFS is unknown, but medical community thinking is leaning towards the idea that it develops after an infection of some sort, such as a cold or the stomach flu, or it can also happen after someone has had infectious mononucleosis (mono).  Others hypothesis that it occurs after a person has been under extreme stress, like major surgery or the death of a loved one.

However CFS develops, it’s difficult to diagnosis because extreme tiredness is a common symptom of a great many illnesses, plus the other signs of CFS can mimic other sicknesses. There is no definitive medical test for CFS, so that adds to the difficulty in making a diagnosis. If you believe you have CFS, then you should see your doctor and he’ll give you a full medical exam, including asking you about your physical and mental health.  Blood and urine work will be done to rule out other illnesses.  If you have been tired for more than six months and have four or more of the classic CFS symptoms, then your doctor may diagnose you with CFS.

The classic CFS symptoms include:

•Sore throat
•Muscle pains and aches
•Feeling tired, even after sleeping all night
•Forgetting things
•Difficulty focusing
•Headaches of a different kind, length or strength
•Sore lymph nodes in the neck or under the arm
•Being in pain or out of sorts for more than 24 hours after being active

Currently there is no cure for CFS and no real treatment, other than lifestyle changes that a patient can make to optimize their health, such as eating a healthy diet and getting regular exercise. Over the counter pain relievers can be taken as a treatment for muscle and joint pain and making sure that you are getting enough may help to relieve symptoms.

While the exact number of CFS cases is unknown, the number of people affected by CFS-like illnesses is thought to be substantial.

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Best Business Practices for Twitter

March 30, 2009 by Rebbekah  
Filed under Communication, Work-Job Solutions

If you’ve been around the social media circuit for any time, you know Twitter is the phenomenal micro-blogging platform revolutionizing the way people network and market their business. Twitter gains somewhere between 250,000 and 500,000 new users every month. The recently elected American President, Barak Obama, made Twitter a household name as the political pundits across the country marveled at the way his campaign team used the tool to reach millions of American’s with Obama’s message.

For all the people using Twitter effectively, there are also huge numbers of people who either don’t make good use of it at all or who try to overpower the platform and its users with unwanted spam.

Here are three of the best business practices for using Twitter effectively:

1.  Use a complete profile. Twitter gives every user a profile page. Make the most of this space by uploading an actual photograph of yourself, providing your real name in your biography and offering information about and links to your website or blog.

People look at your profile page to decide if they want to follow your updates. They may also take a look when you post a message particularly relevant to them. When they get there, make sure you give them what they need to make an informed decision about your business. It may be the only shot you get.

2.  Interact. Don’t just broadcast. Twitter is a social networking tool with the operative word being social. Don’t just blast your site information or the link to your sales page every time you use Twitter. Talk to people. Ask them what they do and how you can help them or ask about their family members or interests.

Twitter is great for conversations kept open enough for everyone to join in. General talk about a specific industry, process or training is a great way to get others involved in a discussion. If you engage in banter and chat on Twitter every time you use it, you may even find it a bit tough keeping up with all the followers you gain.

3.  Share your expertise. The people with the highest rankings on Twitter are the ones who aren’t afraid to give away some of their best stuff.

Share tidbits of real information related to your area of expertise. If you’re a marketer, don’t just push products. Instead offer tips on how to build your list or ways to help your affiliates. If you’re a writer, offer tips on how to write an effective headline or what to say in an email campaign. Share enough of your knowledge to let people know you’re the real deal. It’s the fastest way to draw them to your website where you can sell then sell your products.

When you consistently follow these three business practices while interacting on Twitter, you are all but guaranteed to grow your business. Twitter is really all about interaction and relationships are all about give and take and showing respect. Using good business sense and common courtesy in your Twitter affairs will gain you not only followers and clients, but respect for your business as well.

Follow Rebbekah White on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/healyourself or Follow Buffy Lauer at http://www.twitter.com/hynetwork

Looking for an easy way to learn Twitter?

Introducing Twitter Videos for Dummies:

http://www.twittervideosfordummies.com

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Learn How to Market Yourself Like A Media Pro

March 30, 2009 by Rebbekah  
Filed under Featured, Work-Job Solutions

Renowned media consultant and author David Mathison has assembled a who’s who of new media experts and compiled this essential guide to the “personal media renaissance.”

David Mathison author of Be The Media

David Mathison author of Be The Media

Until recently, publishing books, music and film required years of education and the expensive assistance of publishers, labels, studios, distributors and lawyers.

Today, artists can leverage low-cost tools and new methods of distribution to connect with their audience directly, and keep more of their royalties and rights.

This book covers everything from how to blog and podcast to the ins-and-outs of social networking and internet syndication. Specific chapters help authors, musicians, filmmakers, and journalists.

Pre-Buy BE THE MEDIA right now-estimated shipping March 31st, and you’ll gain access to the “Blockbuster Media Success” package with $10,000 in BONUS GIFTS provided by over 100 media experts:

http://www.bethemedia.com

bethemedia2008web

Be The Media

I’ve always wondered why some artists and businesspeople make a fortune, while others struggle financially.

I’d sure like to know how to boost my business, spread my message to more people, and earn a lot more money based on my expertise, products, or services - without a lot of work or expense.

And I bet you would too!

Well, I have great news. Here’s a book that tells you how to market yourself like a media pro…

Renowned author and media consultant David Mathison has brought together over fifty media experts, educators, and activists in his new book, BE THE MEDIA. The 500+ page book shows the latest and greatest ways to market and sell your books, music, films, information products and services.

Loaded with practical advice, this book is a must-read.”
- Phil Donahue, former TV talk show host

The contributors are a who’s who in media-related fields - from insanely famous best-sellers, to internet marketers quietly generating high six and seven-figure annual incomes without appearing on Oprah or hitting the best seller lists. Everyone from Wired co-founder Kevin Kelly, to Janet Switzer, Alex Mandossian, Bob Baker, and craigslist’s Craig Newmark is included.

This book has something for everyone: From the 1.2 million self-employed people to small business owners, from authors to filmmakers, rock bands to bloggers, talk show hosts to podcasters, you’ll find everything you need to go from concept to consumer, from inspiration to inbox with your message or products.

In one single volume, BE THE MEDIA includes 23 chapters on all conceivable media fields. Every aspect of media is covered, with details, resources, and suggestions you simply won’t find anywhere else.

In other words, it’s a terrific handbook for promoting your business, your cause, or your products with the same level of professionalism a publicist might employ.

BE THE MEDIA is the best overall resource to help you build out your platform.”
- Rick Frishman: Publicist. Publisher, Morgan James Publishing

In BE THE MEDIA, you will learn how to:

  • Self-publish your book, music, film, podcast, or blog, leverage internet syndication, learn licensing, how to create radio and television shows, and promote on social networks
  • Control your future by developing multiple streams of income from diversified sources
  • Earn income while you sleep, vacation, or work your full-time job
  • Apply techniques on a part or full-time basis, from your home, office, or hotel room
  • Deploy surprisingly easy strategies to get massive publicity and tons of media exposure
  • Discover simple things you can immediately do to dramatically increase the profit you make from your products and services

BE THE MEDIA reveals the secrets.”
- Dan Poynter: Publisher, The Self-Publishing Manual

Order BE THE MEDIA now, and get FR.EE access to three one-hour teleclasses that will teach you exactly how to market yourself like a media pro (a $1,000 value). Mathison’s fr.ee classes will teach you how to build your list, market, and promote using:

1.      Social Media: Learn how Mathison pre-sold 5,000+ books on Twitter, was offered a Board position on a major social network for entrepreneurs using LinkedIn, and secured a slot on the radio dial with a major network through Facebook ($300 value)

2.      List Building: How you can build your list and earn more money ($300 value)

3.      Syndication: How to increase your reach, diversify revenue streams ($300 value)

But wait. There is even more!

Buy BE THE MEDIA right now, and you’ll also have access to the “Blockbuster Media Success” package with $10,000 in BONUS GIFTS provided by over 100 media experts, including:

  • Rebbekah White: My Time Cannot Always Be Your Time-The Wife, The Mother, The Woman (27.00 value)
  • Warren Whitlock: Self-promotion secrets of the super successful ($47 value)
  • Joan Stewart: How to be an expert spokesperson the media love ($39.95 value)
  • Bob Baker: Indie Music Marketing Secrets ($27 value)
  • Susan Harrow: Get top TV producers to book you ($19.95 value)
  • PitchRate.com: Moves you to the front of the line for media coverage (free)

You have to check these gifts out - you will be amazed!

All told, BE THE MEDIA and the fr.ee Blockbuster Media Success package gives you access to over 150 media experts and $10,000 in gifts and tips.

ALL FOR JUST $34.95. Pre-Buy now-estimated shipping date March 31, 2009

But you’ll need to ACT FAST. The fr.ee bonus gifts in the Blockbuster Media Success package are only valid for a LIMITED TIME. Don’t miss out on this great opportunity.

This book is available EXCLUSIVELY online at the link below - you cannot get the book through Amazon or other resellers.

Order BE THE MEDIA and access your Blockbuster Media Success package NOW: http://www.bethemedia.com .

You will be glad you did!

Sincerely,

Rebbekah White and Buffy Lauer

PS: David is so confident that you will be satisfied with BE THE MEDIA that he is offering a 60-day MONEY BACK GUARANTEE of the $34.95 purchase price. So, you have NOTHING TO LOSE!

60_day_guarantee

PSS: Consider buying a few copies for family members, friends, colleagues, schools, educators, students, libraries, journalists, community leaders, and policymakers. It is already being used as a primary textbook for media production, media literacy, and media education courses in major schools.

Donate a copy, or forward this note on to your friends. They will LOVE you for it!

More Testimonals

“BE THE MEDIA shows how to spread ideas without the traditional massive presses, major networks and commercial studios.”

- Ben H. Bagdikian: Author, The New Media Monopoly; Pulitzer prize-winning journalist; Dean Emeritus, Graduate School of Journalism at the University of California, Berkeley

BE THE MEDIA includes a mind-boggling collection of essays by people on the front lines of producing independent media. Since we are rapidly on our way to a point where that could include just about everyone, this is a book everyone needs to read.”

- Robert McChesney: Professor, bestselling author, co-founder and chair, FreePress.net

“This book should be called ‘BE BETTER THAN THE MEDIA.‘ It tells readers how to realize that dream radio program, published book, or independent movie. It doesn’t tell you how to break in - but how to break out. And it does it in the voices of those who have done it.”

- Adair Lara: Award-winning columnist, San Francisco Chronicle. Author of five books, including “Hold Me Close, Let Me Go” and “Normal is Just A Setting on the Dryer”

“BE THE MEDIA’s chapter on Licensing alone is worth the price of the book.”

- Steven Ekstract: Group Publisher, License! Global magazine

“Like the author himself, BE THE MEDIA is a unique and vital source of information, experience, and analysis that helps us to empower ourselves. Moving beyond the roles of media consumers who ingest what’s dished out from on-high, those who take this book to heart and mind will gain essential tools and understanding for the struggles ahead — to create media that enliven and democratize instead of numbing and stultifying. If we can learn to “be the media,” the process will move us far down the road toward a society where public discourse and governance is truly of, by, and for the people.”

- Norman Solomon: Author; nationally syndicated columnist; Executive Director, Institute for Public Accuracy

David Mathison’s BE THE MEDIA is a compendium of essential knowledge anyone trying to operate in the current media environment simply must have.  It is smart, thorough and entertaining.  I wish I had it when I started to plan the promotion of my first book.”

- Cliff Schecter: Political Columnist, The Guardian.

“Author-Publisher David Mathison has done his homework, and I expect BE THE MEDIA to sell very well.”

- Al Canton: President, Adams-Blake Company, Inc. (Creator, Jaya123)

BE THE MEDIA is one-stop shopping for any information you will need to publish your own book, produce your own radio show, or make your own film. At long last there is one comprehensive, state-of-the-art guide that includes all the information you will need to be an independent media producer by leaders in each media field. Thank you to David Mathison for this remarkable, enlightening and very timely book.”

- Kimberly Weichel: Co-founder, Our Media Voice; Radio & TV producer; Author; Educator

“How can we the media ‘consumers’ BE THE MEDIA? Reading this remarkable collection of reports from the frontlines of the citizen media reform movement is an indispensable first step. Next, if you still don’t like the news, make some yourself!”

- Rory O’Connor: President and CEO of Globalvision, Inc, an independent international media firm. Award-winning documentary filmmaker and journalist

bethemedia2008web1

Pre-Buy BE THE MEDIA right now-estimated shipping date March 31, 2009, and you’ll gain access to the “Blockbuster Media Success” package with $10,000 in BONUS GIFTS provided by over 100 media experts:

http://www.bethemedia.com

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Debt Management Help

March 19, 2009 by Rebbekah  
Filed under Finances

Debt has a way of creeping up on us if we let it. It’s important to keep our debt at reasonable and manageable levels, or we could end up incurring insane interest charges and scraping to make our payments. Even for those who manage debt well, unexpected life changes can result in difficulty making ends meet.

When we find ourselves having problems with debt, the first course of action is to take a look at the budget. Finding ways to cut back on unnecessary expenses can help us pay down debts and keep monthly bills current. But what happens when we can’t solve our debt problems with budgeting?

Sometimes we need outside help. It’s hard to go to someone else when you’re having money troubles, but if you don’t gain control over your debts, your credit rating will suffer. So it’s important to take charge before it’s too late.

Some debtors turn to debt consolidation as an answer to debt problems. They transfer high-interest debts to a lower interest credit card, or they put up the equity in their homes to get the money to pay them off. While these options can provide lower payments, they are not without drawbacks. Closing numerous accounts and putting all of your debt into one account can negatively affect your ratio of debt to available credit, lowering your credit score. And if you use your home equity to secure the money needed to pay off debt, you’re putting your home at an unnecessary risk.

Another popular option for those with debt problems is credit counseling. Credit counseling agencies offer help with budgeting, and in some cases, they will set you up with a debt management plan. A debt management plan involves negotiation with creditors to obtain lower interest rates and lower payments. The debtor makes one monthly payment to the credit counseling agency, and the agent forwards payments to each creditor.

A debt management plan can help you get out of debt faster, but it can also impact your credit. A note is added to your credit report stating that you are undergoing credit counseling. This means that you can’t get new credit. However, the notation is removed once you’ve paid off your debts.

It’s also important to make sure you’re dealing with a reputable credit counseling agency. Some charge high fees or fail to make payments to creditors on time. There have also been some that were found to be outright scams, keeping the money that debtors sent them to pay their bills with. When considering credit counseling agencies, make sure they’re members of the Association of Independent Consumer Credit Counseling Agencies (AICCCA) or the National Foundation of Credit Counseling (NFCC). These organizations regulate and monitor member agencies, making sure that they operate legally and ethically.

An overabundance of debt can wreak havoc on our finances and our credit scores. It can also be the cause of undue stress. By seeking help at the first sign of trouble, we can often prevent our debts from spiraling out of control.

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Uncovered an alarming trend in preschool and head start workshops

March 17, 2009 by Rebbekah  
Filed under Education

by Stacey Kannenburg

I am not a teacher or educator but I have a national platform speaking to educators, schools, parents and kids!  But along the way, I have uncovered an alarming trend in my preschool and head start workshops nationwide: the majority of preschool and head start teachers that come to my workshops do not know what children are tested on in the first Kindergarten assessment test, so if they don’t know this information, how are parents and children suppose to know this information?  In fact after testing my teachers at a couple conferences  ONLY 12 of 630 listed those 7 things!  That’s what is wrong with education!!! Many are astounded and angry that I am the first person to share with them that information.  I am not even a teacher!  They have no clue that Kindergartener’s are tested on coins and counting to 100.  Many know shapes and colors but don’t realize that during Kindergarten kids are expected to know hexagon and octagon by the end of the year.   So I am on my grassroots mission to change all that!!!

How can parents and kids be ready for Kindergarten when preschool teachers are not on the same page as Kindergarten teachers? If they aren’t empowered at Kindergarten, they are less likely to be involved in First, Second, Third Grade and beyond!

Parents are told during Kindergarten roundup that their child is ready for Kindergarten in fall.  They are not told what they were tested on so parents assume you tested them on the Kindergarten curriculum you did not!!! You want to change education, it has to begin before Kindergarten! I look forward to hearing back from you about some of my alarming findings!

So when parents come to that first parent teacher conference and they are told that their child only knew 5 of 26 letters all mixed up or was only able to count to 35 on the way to 100; parents feel frustrated and at that point many feel if they can’t help their child in Kindergarten how are they suppose to help in First Grade, Second Grade and beyond!  At that point, many opt out and let the “teachers” teach their children and become disengaged in the educational process. I am on a word-of-mouth grassroots mission to help us all come together and get on the same page starting at the core, Kindergarten!

2009 Copyright Cedar Valley Publishing, Stacey Kannenberg; Let’s Get Ready For First Grade!

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I Want a Divorce But My Spouse Doesn’t Want One

March 16, 2009 by Rebbekah  
Filed under Divorce Help

In your eyes, all hope for your marriage is gone.  You’ve done all you can for as long as you could and now you’re ready to move on.  One problem: your spouse doesn’t feel the same.  What can you do?  How can you keep the divorce peaceful?

By Kassandra Vaughn

Divorce is a difficult transition for most. When you add an unrelenting spouse who insists on contesting the divorce and opposes your decision to be free, the difficulty and pain is tripled. Not only do you have to deal with your own sense of loss, failure and recovery but you’ve got to move forward with a legal process that has turned your one time lover and best friend into your mortal enemy. It seems like a lose-lose situation.

Here are three things you can do to clear the tension and make this a Win-Win experience for all involved:

#1- As painful and burdensome as it may feel to do, make time for your soon-to-be-ex spouse. From where you stand, the divorce has been a long time coming. Your announcement of it, to you, was just writing on the wall. However, in most cases, that’s hardly the truth for your partner.

Yes, he or she had a feeling some years back that things were going downhill. Yes, he/she sensed that the distance between you was increasing. But your spouse may have considered it “growing pains.” He or she may have looked at it as a mere transition. Now faced with the inevitable fact that this marriage, your marriage, is over, is a devastating blow. Although you don’t feel it, the shockwaves still resound with your spouse. Honor that by making a concerted effort to spend quality alone time with your soon-to-be-ex.

Yes, this person is going to repeatedly ask you why and, yes, he or she will probably yell, cry or get angry but remember that your goal is not to defend the inevitable; it’s to show your spouse that you care enough to sit down and listen to his or her side of this new chapter in both your lives. Sometimes people want you to listen; other times, they just want you to hear. In this case, your soon-to-be ex needs to be heard.

#2- Go above and beyond the call of duty to provide financially everything your soon-to-be-ex requires to maintain your family’s lifestyle. One of the biggest fears, on the part of the person who didn’t expect the divorce, is this: “You’re going to walk out and leave me with nothing after I gave you my whole life.” Can you see how devastating that fear is? Do you understand that it is that fear that will drive relatively sane people to do all sorts of insane things, all in the name of “keeping what’s rightfully mine”?

When this fear is backed up with even the smallest financial withdrawal from you, it sends your soon-to-be-ex into survival mode and you become the biggest threat to his or her survival… and the biggest target. Don’t set yourself up for a fall. Divide assets. Start your own personal bank account where you set aside what you need for your new life but DO NOT drain your family’s budget (i.e., remove all the money from the accounts, close down credit cards) to do it. Do everything in your power to give your soon-to-be-ex everything he or she needs financially, regardless of his/her intentions to ever actually use the money (and if the person retaliates by spending too much, call your credit card company or bank and file misuse of funds- you’ll get the money back). The point is to show good faith so that a level of respect and integrity can be maintained throughout the divorce process.

#3- Move out. It sounds simple but so many divorces in process today are occurring with both people living under the same roof. It’s a neverending warzone filled with tension, anger and blame. You feel it, your spouse feels it and, most importantly, your children feel it. Staying in the family home (as much as you want to fight for what’s rightfully yours) is not the way to go if your goal is to have a smooth, relatively quick divorce. Living together does one of two things: 1) encourages the hopes of your spouse that, by some miracle, you’ll get back together or 2) increases the amount of ill will and resentment your spouse feels for you and the life he or she believes you are working so hard to destroy.

Remember: hurting people hurt people. Two hurting people do not need to be under the same roof.

This is a touchy situation. You need compassion at a level that you’ve never known. This is not a time to retaliate or treat your spouse like the enemy. He or she might choose that route. If you want to come out of this stronger and with more peace of mind, take the higher road.

Kassandra Vaughn is the CEO of ROI Coaching, a virtual coaching firm designed to help clients maximize the quality of their lives starting NOW! She is the creator and facilitator of the no-holds barred, step-by-step divorce strategy coaching program called “Marriage on the Rocks: The PreDivorce Playbook.” Find out more at http://predivorceplaybook.blogspot.com

10 Low Budget Ways To Move Out of the Family Home Predivorce: http://tinyurl.com/nocashwaystomoveout

Marriage on the Rocks- The PreDivorce Playbook: predivorceplaybook.blogspot.com

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