By Dr. Taffy Wagner

I read this article earlier last week that shared how affluent parents demand prenups for their engaged children. I must admit as a personal finances educator and wife of thirteen years this article was screaming at me. It was saying, “Since I have already decided I am not going to stay with you, why don’t you confirm it to me and sign on the dotted line so I know what I am getting.”

I ask you what happened to “for richer or for poorer”? Newsflash – LOVE is a CHOICE, it is not an emotion. If you are marrying because of an emotion, you are already headed for trouble. When you choose to love someone it is not based on conditions. Make sure that your relationship is based on the right foundation.

This story had me so concerned that I posted a brief overview about it and asked some of my friends what they thought. Here is what was said:  “I think that is really said, family is the core of our society”, “Ridiculous is what I say, I would find someone poor to marry”, “Please tell me you’re kidding, will the helicopter parents ever land.”

It is always interesting to see what money can do to people. Clearly, the affluent are thinking about it belongs to me and I am not sharing regardless if a ring is on that finger.
Sounds to me as if these parents are “too involved” in their children’s relationship and will be overbearing throughout the marriage. I want the spouses to talk to one another about their finances in the engaged state. When an engaged couple are preparing to walk down that aisle, they already have stress of planning for a wedding. They should not have to even think for one second about their parents dictating their life.

Love is a choice and says it does not matter if you are rich or poor, happy or sad, in sickness and in health – I LOVE YOU no matter what. I have to wonder if in some of these relationships if the tables were turned on the affluent parent and the spouse who did not have as much income all of a sudden made three times more than their son or daughter, how they would feel considering they demanded a PRE-NUP. Be careful what you ask for.
Copyright 2008, Dr. Taffy Wagner is the Creator of Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and Debt Stops At The Altar financial education program.

Copyright 2008, Dr. Taffy Wagner

Given the current economy, many of you already know it is taking its toll in various forms on households – job loss, kids are being taken out of daycare because it costs too much and it is causing stress in the marriage. Yes, I said it more STRESS. When financial challenges and issues surface a couple of things can happen:
a) Blame game – one blames the other for the financial issues in the household
b) Second job – primary “breadwinner” gets a second job if they do not have a part-time business
c) Avoidance – it is not discussed at all.

Money Talk in Marriage

Personally, I believe the husband and wife should come together and make some hard choices. Let’s just say for example the husband has lost his job and have not gotten employment and you want to make sure everything is covered. What do you do? I recommend you take a look at your complete financial picture and see if it fits in these parameters:
a) No more than 36% of your monthly income should go towards debt
b) 10% of your monthly income should go towards savings or emergency fund
c) 15% to 20% should go towards groceries

If those numbers are out of bounds, be honest and see where you can reduce expenditures. I know for us one of the area that we would reduce is groceries because we probably are higher because my husband has always liked to out to restaurants. I would cut back on that and put more groceries in the house.

Understand it is tough when a man loses a job because it affects them even greater. As you are talking about the household finances it is not necessary to point the finger but be solution oriented. Money should not become bigger than your marriage. When you stood at the altar, you said “For richer or for poorer.” Believe me there will be seasons of plenty in a marriage and seasons of tightness. You are not alone. Talk about money throughout the life of your marriage not just when a problem arise.

Copyright 2008, Dr. Taffy Wagner is the Creator of Money Talk Before The Commitment Walk and Debt Stops At The Altar financial education program.