The Gift of Difficult People
February 18, 2009 by Rebbekah
Filed under Featured, Joy On The Job
One of my most requested presentations is “How to turn difficult people into supporters and allies.” Why is there so much demand for the “difficult people” topic? It’s not just because there are a lot of snipers, bullies, blamers, complainers, “victims,” and whiners in the world.
We are all a “difficult person” for someone. Peaceful visionary Mahatma Ghandi was an absolute thorn in the side of those who fought to maintain discrimination and injustice. Mother Teresa was a very difficult person for those who wanted to ignore the poverty and disease in Calcutta.
Here are some proven tips that will help you thrive when you’re surrounded by people who consistently complain, blame, and play the role of a victim or martyr.
LOOK IN THE MIRROR
The first step of dealing with people who play the role of victim is the hardest for most of us. We have to place our fragile little egos in a holding tank for just a few minutes while we peer into a looking glass that will accurately portray our situation.
When I whine and pine, I attract a disgruntled group of negative “human mirrors” into my life until I comprehend what’s happening. The complainers who surround me are also playing the role of a victim or martyr.
Until I perceive what’s going on, I’m angry and frustrated. It irritates me that the malcontents around me are moaning and wailing about what exists. Thoughts consume my mind like, “Yeah, this situation isn’t their preference, but why don’t they make the best of it or do something to improve their lives?”
Bingo! When I notice that someone else’s behavior is off-track — and I also have a negative emotional charge (like anger), it’s time for me to become an objective detective about my own behavior.
ALLOW DIFFICULT PEOPLE TO BE YOUR COMPASS
The above example shows how easy it is to determine when a problem is “someone else’s stuff” and when that person is triggering a response that indicates I have a similar unresolved pattern I need to address. When “their issue” is not also my issue, there is no negative emotional charge. I either view the situation from a neutral place, like an unbiased umpire — or I feel compassion for the other person.
We all sometimes play The Blame Game instead of perceiving clues that help us grow and become even better role models for other people. So, instead of judging yourself for being off-track — being human — make a decision to use the difficult people around you as a profound tool for personal growth.
TURN ANY UNPLEASANT EXPERIENCE INTO A RICH OPPORTUNITY
It’s such a relief to stop trying to be perfect and ride the waves of the journey of life. Love yourself enough to be brutally honest because “Aha’s!” are the zest of life. When we’re willing to address our faults without judging ourselves as inadequate, our personal growth escalates dramatically.
Establish a solid support system of people who will give you honest feedback and accept you just as you are. Nurture your friends and family and they’ll be there for you when you need them.
Hire a coach so you’ll be supported by someone who offers you objective feedback and nurtures your growth.
Visit http://www.FreeJoyEbooks.com now and GET YOUR FREE EBOOK: “Get the Respect & Appreciation You Deserve.” Doris Helge, Ph.D., is “The Joy Coach.” Dr. Helge is 100% dedicated to your happiness and success.
© 2008. This article was excerpted with permission from “Transforming Pain Into Power” by Doris Helge, Ph.D. Permission to reprint this article is granted if the article is in tact, with proper credit given. All reprints must state “Reprinted with permission by Doris Helge, Ph.D. Originally published in “Joy on the Job,” http://MoreJoyOnTheJob.com © 2008. Download sample chapters at: www.TransformingPainIntoPower.com
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COPE WITH CHANGE AND OTHER CHALLENGES
January 10, 2009 by Rebbekah
Filed under Featured, Joy On The Job, Self Help
The following material was excerpted with permission from the book, Joy on the Job - Over 365 Ways to Create the Joy and Fulfillment You Deserve, by Doris Helge, Ph.D., © 2005, Shimoda Publishing, shimodapub@mindspring.com.
Any material from this website that you quote, download, or reprint must include the credit line above.
Click here to order Joy on the Job now.
COMPONENTS OF CHANGEOur ability to thrive during unexpected or mandated changes is related to two factors.
Fortunately, these are the two components of difficult situations that we can totally control. World War II captive Viktor Frankl grew as a person in spite of the horrors of Auschwitz because he reacted in a healthy manner. A psychiatrist who was forced into slave labor, Frankl later inspired the world with statements such as, “No one could control my attitude.” The rest of us often-
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CHOOSE A PEACEFUL PATHContrary to western conditioning, accepting the “unacceptable” and surrendering to that over which you have no control is not defeat. It is evidence of self-respect. You are choosing to avoid unnecessary stress. You’ve made a decision to be open to the possibility that an unpleasant experience can lead to a positive outcome. When you can’t change or control an unpleasant situation, discover the power and peace of mind that emerge from shifting your perspective. Accept the unacceptable, not because you feel defeated, but because you are choosing the only victory that is genuine-triumph over inner turmoil. Ease your anxiety about modifications in your work life by making transitions in small increments when possible. Gradually incorporate simple new approaches into daily activities until you are comfortable enough to take larger steps into the future. Baby steps are often much more powerful. A single giant leap forward can cause you to recoil backward like a rubber band that has been stretched too far. Be patient with yourself because new behaviors are unfamiliar. Each small step will build courage to make necessary changes in lifestyle. |
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After you consistently use the multisensory techniques in this book to increase your flexibility and curiosity, you will become more comfortable taking larger leaps forward.
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Employee Motivation-Connections Count
November 9, 2008 by Rebbekah
Filed under Joy On The Job
by Doris Helge, Ph.D. © 2008
If you’re challenged by employee motivation, engagement, or retention problems, this article is a must-read. Traditional employee motivation and recognition programs fail because companies and managers don’t understand Motivation 101.
Humans crave genuine appreciation and recognition. Since we’re all connected to each other, we immediately sense insincerity.
Token gestures backfire with the kick of a clogged exhaust pipe. I was once hired to extinguish a nasty internal combustion caused when managers gave out free Happy Meal Coupons designed for kids to exhausted, angry adult workers who longed for time off with their families.
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