As I was sitting at my kitchen table this morning, I glanced up and saw the calendar. It hit me like a ton of bricks…in less then 5 days it will be 2008. Now I know that it shouldn’t have come as a big surprise I mean Christmas was just this week, but it did hit me totally by surprise!
I sat there thinking what new year resolutions can I make…I took a long hard look at the past year. Not just for business, in fact I am not going to even post what my business goals are but more my personal goals for myself.
I am not going to post “I need to lose weight and get back into shape” that is a given lol…I decided I really needed to take this time to take a good long look at my life and the way things have changed over the past year.
This year I have been struggling with many feelings. Feelings of helplessness as I watched my grandmother in the hospital getting weaker and weaker, feelings of anger as I see how one person in our life can not only make me crazy and feel totally out of control but watch as this one person makes my own kids and hubby feel worthless. I am not one to hold grudges, or feelings of hate…but this year I have had those times where I just couldn’t stand to look at someone…this person who has totally changed our world, totally lives for their selves and their selves only, watched as this person destroyed our family and watched as control was taken away and how we (hubby and I) gave our control away…not meaning too but in the sense of wanting to help a family member, instead of actually helping him we only enabled him to continue being abusive not only to me but the rest of my family as well.
Last night I watched as he took an item that my MIL bought for me the last Christmas she was alive and give it to his daughter because she wanted it and her mother bought it…but it was mine! I used to just sit there and let my FIL do whatever he wanted to do, but this past year I have seen by letting him get away with this stuff because I hate conflict it did nothing to stop the behavior it only increased it. In the end I got my items back but the whole situation was a fight, he tried to tell me I was lying, etc etc and that he had the right to give away anything he pleased…I had to remind him that not everything in this house is his….it is now our house…yes, there are items in this house that are his but not everything that is sitting around here is his to give away. I had just told my SIL that those Gingerbread people were mine (she was admiring them..) and that Mom had given those to me the Christmas before she died. She then proceeded to go to dad and tell him he wanted them. My son came running to me and said that she was bagging them up…
The whole situation was heart breaking and made me feel like once again, I had no control over my life.
Why did I tell you this whole story, I am sure you are all wondering why in the world????
Well last night’s situation really hit home to me this morning when I realized that I wanted to write down some real New Year’s resolutions so here goes….
1. Take control over my life once again
2. Don’t allow others to walk all over myself or my family
3. Not be afraid to speak up in situations
4. Stop letting family members walk all over my family in the “name of respect”-respect needs to be earned too-here I mean I am worth being respected, just because someone is older then me (from the “I am your elder, you will do what I say” generation) does not mean I need to give them respect if they do not respect me.
5. Don’t run from confrontations
6. TAKE Back CONTROl-this is my life, my family, my kids and my house-I will not allow others to tell me how to run our life and I will not allow myself to be negative all the time.
7. Try to let go feelings of anger. This one is a hard one for me, I woke up this morning sick to my stomach, knots in my stomach, pain….why? Because I kept thinking about how much my life is not the way I want it to be…I allow one person to ruin my day! I will not allow anyone to ruin my day, whatever happens it is their problem and they can learn to deal with it.
8. Learn to let go-this one is a very hard one for me! I can brew about a situation till I am blue in the face or until my hubby yells at me (lol) that he is sick of hearing about it…not because I like brewing but I am scared to confront the people who are making me feel this way.
This one will not be an easy one for me, as anyone who knows me well will tell you I HATE confrontations and I tend to feel I am not “worthy” of speaking my thoughts or I am scared of others and what they think….and I don’t like to “rock the boat” but what good is that going to do.
I tell my kids to stand up to bullies and they will run but what do I do with the biggest bully in our lives? I let him do whatever he wants and say whatever he wants to me because I hate confrontations and I am afraid to speak my mind and tell it like I see it.
Not anymore!
So the short end of this post, my new year’s resolution is to gain control back in my life, and not allow others to control how I am feeling that day.
So what are your resolutions?
I don’t mean lose weight, stop smoking etc etc, what is it in your life you really want to change?
Post it here, and let me know 
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Bravo!
We gentle souls take time to learn this lesson, but when we have learned it, no one can ever leave us feeling powerless again.
I am cheering you on from far away Scotland. Welcome to a new world of freedom. Stay your course and feel the power.
Maria
Loved your post! Ditto on your resolutions I think they are so applicable to wher eI am in life too! I will say the biggest resoltion i have this year is to grow my business, but not just for the money part… who doesn’tneed money, but that’s not it…. IF money wasn’t an issue, I could be giving my daughter the education she requires and deserves. It broke my heart that the best program that suits her needs (she is Autistic) has a tuition of $180k a YEAR! and of course her school district won’t pick up the tab, claiming it woud be “restrictive” because she is so young! HUH?!?! That’s what I said! Meanwhile they had her in a classroom with other blessed children that did nothing but drool and bng their heads against the wall!! Yet this was the “free and appropriate” education she ws entitled to?! (Of course, because it cost the school district only $10k per year!) So the bottom line is, these precious years where she is so young and her brain is developing, my lack of money is impacting her quality of life down the line! Imagine my agony! True, I do all I can and I don’t beat myself up about it, but I will say that I have a fire under me to get my business to grow because my girl needs me, not only to be a full time mom so I can work with her more, her FUTURE self needs me to have enough money to purchase the “fertilizer (her school) to let her her “flower” (brain” blossom!! THe neat part is, my energy business actually HELPS people save money on gas and electric! So I don’t fee guilty to be pushing products on people that they may buy “to be nice” or out of pity for my situation… they are genuinely saving money and helping save the planet because the energy is green, plus they go on free trips for hte same energy they have to use anyway! WHo can’t feel good about that!!1 OK, so to wrap this up…. My resolution is to help enough people make and save money so that by this time next year I can happily post that Keilani is THRIVING in her new school environment and is steadily on a path to be a self sufficient and contributing member to society and to HERSELF!! Thanks!
Kudos to you, Rebecca.
This will be a start of a brand new life for you. And maybe the purpose of your FIL in your life at this time is to jolt you out of your silence and get you to start saying your piece and sticking up for yourself. For that – even though he’s a pain in the neck – he’s also a gift – because he’s forcing you to mature in that way.
For years now I’ve been telling women that it’s time to speak up for ourselves and stop taking cr*p from the people in our lives that we take cr*p from.
I wrote a book called “Testosterone-Free Marketing” for women business owners to help them to speak up and say what they need to say – in a gracious way – and get great results: http://www.tfmbook.com
Most of us were trained to be “the nice girl” and to be quiet even though it results in us being taken advantage of and on the low end of the totem pole financially and in so many other ways.
Let your blog post be a wake-up call to other women who’ve been putting up with the “stuff” they shouldn’t to make 2008 the year you FINALLY wake up, smell the java and speak up for your rights as a human being who deserves to be treated with decency, who deserves to be loved and cherished, who deserves to create great cash flow without worrying that it might be taking away from someone else.
You are awesome – and I applaud you. *clap-clap-clap-clap-clap*
You go girl! I’m standing in the front row clapping as loud as I can for you!
You have already made the biggest first step, and that is to put all this out there. I am so proud for you, and honored to know you after I read this. It even made me envious, if you will, to the fact that I am like you in so many ways, yet wouldn’t have the guts to post the truth as you have done.
Here’s to a great 2008, moving onward and upward. Here’s to YOU, and here’s to your resolutions!!
So now I need to go think about my own and get them on paper.
Maria thank you for your post. I am claiming my power back!
-Rebecca White
Didi Roman, congratulations on putting your goal out there. I have found by making statements especially ones in public that it makes your resolution better, more “in your mind” to do it.
You will do wonderful with your business, remember with any business (I know hytr is not a business site but I own several other online businesses so I speak from experience) it takes time but once your business takes off, you will be able to achieve whatever it is you put your mind to!
-Rebecca White
Denise,
Thank you for taking the time to read my post, I know you and I have talked several times about my situation and you were always and have always been a huge support for me.
Thank you!
I can also tell anyone who reads this that Denise’s book TFM is AWESOME! I loved it!
I finally let what my mom told me to sink in “You are being verbally abused and acting like it….” and realized that I was…that for me was a huge step…I can’t say in the beginnning I will always stand up for myself as I have for years and years just let it all happen and sit back and take it, but I am more aware of it and plan on doing something about it.
I am taking my *bow* now thanks again Denise!
-Rebecca White
This morning I was reflecting and remembering all the challenges and lessons that took place in our lives in 2007, the good, bad, gains, losses, blessings, & curses. God has done great things for us, strengthening us and seeing us through all of them. We are a blessed people and I do believe we will all see great and mighty things in 2008 because He promises that “He will do a new thing in us“.
My 2008 commitments are…
1. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added to me.
2. To REALLY and TRULY be content with all God has blessed me with (spiritually, physically, financially, emotionally, relationships, etc), NOT wanting more “stuff” but enjoying what and who I do have each and every day.
3. Look to the New Year with new opportunities to know God more, to walk in faith (REALLY trusting God) and to grow by His grace.
4. To love unconditionally, forgive as I have been forgiven and spend quality time with family and friends..we never know when the Lord will call them home.
5. To be a non-smoker
6. Don’t be afraid to speak my heart in love and truth to anyone. I will not be afraid of what others think, I’m here to please and glorify God, not man.
7. Take my old emotional habits, mind-sets, automatic reactions, selfishness, impatience and turn them into kindness, long-suffering and the willingness to bear all things. I have the mind of Christ.
8. Lay all my expectations at the Cross-for my expectation is from Him
9. Leave all changes that need to be done in God’s hands, fully accepting that no one is perfect and never will be.
10. To fill this old wineskin with new wine-you don’t put new wine in old winskins, otherwise the wineskins burst, the wine pours out and the winskins perish, but put new wine in new winskins and both are preserved.
Each day we are in God’s schoolhouse learning from Him, the Greatest Teacher and others, we seek, study and meditate on our Book, The Bible, for the answers to the life’s lessons and challenges God gives us each day, for they are new every morning, great is His faithfulness!! And…..He even allows us recesses. Times for ourselves and fun.
We will always be a work in progress, God isn’t finished with us yet.
Happy New Year!!!
Debbie Dreyer