USE YOUR FEELINGS FOR HEALING!

by Doris Helge, Ph.D. 

 Author, “Transforming Pain Into Power” and “Joy on the Job”Excerpted with permission from “Transforming Pain Into Power”

www.TransformingPainIntoPower.com

 Birth canals are small, uncomfortable passageways that simultaneously produce almost indescribable joy and pain.  We are always giving birth to new aspects of ourselves.  We walk down frightening paths only to discover new layers of confidence.  Our self-doubts arise specifically so that we can give birth to heightened degrees of self-love and empowerment.  An uncomfortable feeling such as anger, fear, or sadness rears its head and many of us want to numb, disguise, or deny it — anything to get rid of it!   

That doesn’t work because our feelings continue to demand our attention.  Since we didn’t heed their call the first time, they scream louder.  Painful situations magnify so we can gain the personal growth available from them.  Have you ever known someone who left an unpleasant job or relationship only to re-create the unpleasant scenario? 

The effects of hiding from painful emotions have tremendous implications for our health.  When we repress our feelings, we stifle the flow of energy through our bodies.  We inadvertently suppress our immune systems and we perceive events as more stressful than they really are.  We feel confused and less connected to the people we love.   

Whether we are avoiding our anger or our love, the price of our unwillingness to be honest about our feelings can be quite high.  On the other hand, allowing life to touch us has tremendous benefits. 

Studies that chemically analyzed tears indicated that teardrops cleanse stress hormones, so we feel less fatigued after crying.  Our sobs are an innate gift because tears assist the body in washing away toxins.  Many recent studies have explored why men tend to die seven years earlier than women.  Researchers noted that most men seldom cry.  Even when they allow tears to well up in their eyes, they rarely shed these very precious, innate rejuvenators.  It seems that we forgot to tell our little boys that the strongest trees –  those that tend to live the longest –  bend with the wind. 

Many women would rather cry or feel hurt than express anger.  Just as men were told, “Big boys don’t cry,” most women were conditioned to believe that anger is unbecoming or “not ladylike.”  Some women fear anger because they have been in hurtful situations when others were enraged.  Some women take pride in the fact that they put the needs of others before their own, but they secretly resent doing so. 

Gender-related patterns of hidden anger or sadness are associated with the physical diseases we tend to develop.  Recent studies have examined why women tend to develop higher percentages of chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, and arthritis while men have higher percentages of other diseases such as heart attacks. 

Many people advocate “releasing” or “letting go of” painful experiences or emotions.  Feelings such as anger, sadness, and fear are often labeled “negative” or “toxic.”  Yet, our creator placed pain and pleasure side by side in our brains.  Anger cuddled next to peace, love, and happiness.  Fear nestled next to confidence.  Sadness snuggled up to joy.   

The objective of always operating from love and joy is admirable, yet most of us would like to omit an essential step that is necessary to reach that point.  The physiology of the brain allows us to experience the feelings we dislike when they are present or cheat ourselves out of the opportunity to experience their opposites –  like love and happiness. 

Consider the example of anger, which is passion for ourselves.  (“I deserve better than that” or “I want more out of life.”)  When we embrace anger (experience it), more self-love appears.  Once we express our irritations in a safe and constructive way, we discover that we’ve angry with ourselves because we positioned ourselves in an uncomfortable situation.  We stop blaming others, our compassion for them increases, and forgiveness becomes automatic. 

Most parents love their children too much to try to protect them from painful learning experiences.  Wise parents shield their children from unnecessary pain or danger by teaching them how to be physically safe and develop decision-making skills.  However, parents with foresight know that efforts to guard their children from any pain would cheat them out of developing their abilities to meet life on its own terms.  They would grow up as shallow adults totally unprepared to solve problems or empower themselves by meeting new challenges.  The same is true for us as adults.  

Discover the hidden gifts of anger (empowerment and self-love) and find out how energizing, and even fun, it can be to safely and constructively experience it.  Learn to feel the sweet memories that are hidden within your deepest grief.  Find out what a friend your fear is.  Like the first robins of spring, it arrives to announce the imminent arrival of something new –  your brand new layers of confidence. 

You deserve to be healthy and enjoy loving relationships and work you love.  Explore www.TransformingPainIntoPower.com and discover proven, easy ways to claim the happiness you deserve.

Doris Helge, Ph.D. is called The Joy Coach by her clients. She is author of many books, including “Transforming Pain Into Power” and “Joy on the Job.” Some have been published in multiple foreign languages.  Download sample chapters of her latest books at joyonthejobbook.com and transformingpainintopower.com Visit www.joyonthejob.info  and sign up for the only ezine focused on happiness at work, the “Joy on the Job Ezine.” 

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