By Doris Helge, Ph.D.

A client I’ll call Jenny called me in tears. “I have no work-life balance. The people I work with want everything instantly. My husband wants credit when he helps out with the kids . . . as if he isn’t also 50 percent responsible for them! To me, work-life balance isn’t a luxury. It’s essential. If I can’t get some quality time for myself, I’ll be no good to anyone at work or at home.”

Do you sometimes feel like a puppet whose strings are pulled up, down, right, and left at the same time? Ouch!

It’s time to set boundaries and practice the art of compassionate assertiveness. Then you can enjoy the work-life balance you deserve.

YOU ALREADY HAVE THE POWER TO DEVELOP WORK-LIFE BALANCE

No matter what you’ve been told, you are in charge of your own life. You are the only person who can say with conviction, “Wait a minute please. I’m busy right now. As soon as I finish doing ______, I will give you my full attention.”

You are the sole individual who can identify your needs and establish healthy boundaries. You are also the only person on this planet who can maintain your personal boundaries without feeling guilty.

That’s personal power! We’re all very powerful people with a vast array of capabilities. Some of us have forgotten how to be assertive about our own needs. You may think that only harms the person who doesn’t stand up for themselves. Unfortunately, that’s not true. When you don’t say “No” to what you know isn’t right for you, you set a powerful negative ripple effect in motion.

EVERYONE LOSES WHEN YOU GIVE AWAY YOUR INNATE POWER

If you don’t set and maintain personal boundaries, everyone around you suffers. In fact, a virtually endless chain effect rumbles through consciousness. Because you resent the fact that your needs aren’t met, you radiate an energy of, “I’m a victim.” The people around you react in a variety of ways. Here are some examples.

__ Some people will become defensive about their behavior. They may even feel manipulated. __ Neither reaction will help you resolve the core issue.
__ When you play the role of victim, other people rush forward to play the role of bully. They act like wild animals stalking a wounded prey.
__ Some people become angry or frustrated when you don’t feel strong enough to say “No thank you” regarding what you don’t want, in a kind assertive manner. They develop a negative opinion about your ability to perform well in the future.
__ Some people gather around you and commiserate about your sad situation. You may temporarily feel validated when surrounded by supporters. However, these are dangerous cheerleaders because your circumstances don’t improve when you reinforce the belief, “I’m a victim.”
__ If you play the role of martyr, other people will follow your example. Whether you like it or not, you are always a role model for someone.

This brings us back to your personal power. Look at your impact on the lives of other people in the above examples. Since you can affect the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors of the above people in such a significant way, how can you possibly feel like a victim of life?

TRANSFORM PAIN INTO POWER

Another choice is to set the intention of walking beyond your fear of change so you can become the confident, capable person you are destined to become. What’s the worst that can happen if you take a small step toward your true self?

Make a decision to enjoy the work-life balance you need and deserve today. Each time you say “No thank you” to what you don’t want, you send a clear signal to the universe saying, “YES!” to what you do want.

© 2008 This article was excerpted with permission from “Joy on the Job” by Doris Helge, Ph.D. Permission to reprint this article is granted if the article is in tact, with proper credit given. All reprints must state, “Reprinted with permission by Doris Helge, Ph.D. Originally published in “Joy on the Job” & http://MoreJoyOnTheJob.com © 2008.

Visit http://MoreJoyOnTheJob.com and GET YOUR FREE EBOOKS: “Secrets of Happiness at Work,” “Get the Respect & Appreciation You Deserve Now,” & “Employee Engagement Made Easy.” Coach Doris Helge, Ph.D., is 100% dedicated to empowering you to create more meaning, fun, and fulfillment at work.